Scars on the Body of my Life

Sometimes I still ask myself (I'm a Senior people!) why I came to college. The people here still act as if they are in high school; they don't get along (or try to at least) with everyone, rumors and cliques are just as bad, and not too many are responsible. I may be exaggerating a little here, but sometimes it's just too much! Then there are some days where I feel wonderful. I want to write my 4-10 page papers. I want to go to class and participate. I want to stay here and just see what else I can learn.

I'm actually amazed that now 5 page papers (I know I will need a 20 page one in a semester or two... but it will also be quite a bit broader than my current paper) are pretty easy once I sit down once or twice to actually do it. I feel that I've grown so much in just the time I've been at USAO. I anyalyze literature more. I am more outgoing and take one more leadership. I never would have joined Senate two years ago.

I know that I'm an English major, but sometimes it is just so hard to express all of my thoughts! I feel, sometimes when looking back on things I've wrote in the past (journal and otherwise), that I'm so juvenile. And I am, really. I grow constantly in so many ways all the time. I really wouldn't change anything in my life because then I would not receive the experience from it. Sure, I don't like the way that some things have turned out; and if I could change or even fix them and still learn, I would. I'm glad that with my mistakes I have also earned a few notches on the experience post. I can't take them back; yes, they've scarred me, but it has always been for the better (kinda like my cat scratch scar on my arm that gives me character haha). Without all of that experience, I wouldn't be able to make the decisions I can make today.

I feel like I have so much more to add to this, but I'm pooped and ready for bed so that I can get up and do this all over again :)

Stress Among Everything Else

I haven't wrote anything in a while, but the blog has been on my mind.

Lately I think that my mood has been affected by several things: homework, money, unpacking, getting everything done. I guess you could just go ahead and sum all of it up to stress. One of my friends has just recently gotten on the "happy pill". I would love to do that because I think that it would help me greatly, but I really don't have the money for it. Today, one of my teachers asked for the doctor's note from a student that had been out all week. How are we (poor) college students supposed to *go* to a doctor when we don't have the money for it?

Just this week alone I've got 3 tests and 2 papers due. Luckily two tests (already done) were kinda easy with the studying I've done and one paper was pushed back (I hadn't even started it)! I've glad I'm half done; though I've been staying pretty on top of my assignments, I'm hoping to do a little better for the last half of the semester.

Although I don't have any money and don't really make any (all my work study money goes straight back to the school), I still worry about money. Christopher was not the best money manager when we got together and he has some loose ends from his past that we need to patch up. I really want to just get rid of it all, but it will take a while and it's really hard to do when all these things (old car messing up, new car and getting insurance, moving) keep popping up. I've reset our goal on Mint.com and hope that we *won't* touch it this time. I want it to grow and take care of things for the future!

Since Christopher and I have moved in, we've unpacked the majority of everything. I thought that maybe once we were moved in for the most part things would stay in their place once they had found a spot. Unfortunately, I'm pretty much the only one that puts everything in the spot that it is supposed to go. I keep trying to calmly tell Christopher that I want thisthing to go inthatplace and thatthing in thisspot. I think that since we are both so stressed and our schedule clash so much we have been snippy at each other and everything comes across wrong (hence why I would like some happy pills too).

However, we just spent a wonderful Saturday together celebrating for Valentine's Day and our 10 month anniversary. He is slowly creeping up to being my longest relationship, which I'm excited about. We got Christopher 3 shirts for $10 and he even got his tongue pierced like I've been wanting him to do for forever!

Everything else (as mentioned in teh first paragraph) would be getting our VM set up (ATT is only open 8-6 M-F.... of course that is when we are both busy), taking my computer to the house, and organizing all of my desk stuff so that I can find papers easier. I'm betting there are some other things that I'm needing to take care of, and I know that there is even more, but that all relies on monies... which we don't have a ton of extra of right now. I can't wait until I graduate (December!!) so that I can get a job to start building our savings.

And finally, I'm wanting to start up yoga again to get rid of this stress, but I just don't have any time to do so (because of the stress).

Funny, I couldn't think of anything to type when I started :p

Re-Discovering Myself

It's only been about 7ish months, but I feel as if it has been even longer since I've touched this site. I really do miss it. I'd seen a couple of my friends share their blog posts on Facebook and it made me really want to start writing on here again. I've always found posting blogs to be stress relieving, but sometimes I've found I lose touch with what I like to do in place of other addictions such as Facebook and mindless stumbling on Stumbleupon.

I've also re-discovered that I truly do love to read outside of what is needed for college. I have already finished 3 books this year. I love the websites Goodreads.com to keep track of what I have read, my reviews for them, and what I would like to read in the future; and Paperbackswap.com to request new books that I would like to read while also swapping out the ones that I no longer want to keep. I would refer anyone to use either/both. (If you would like to add me as a friend my username is the same as on here "loveronca") In Goodreads, I am also able to keep track of a goal of reading (my personal goal is 211 [the year 2011 without the '0']) a certain number of books within the year.

Reading "Go Ask Alice" made me really want to start keeping track of my life as well. I've always loved journal books. Possibly because you can truly see the change in the characters. Maybe because they seem more real (even though I don't mind the fiction ones). I had started writing regularly back in August, but soon lost track of doing it because school started back up. I started back, but moving this past weekend has caused me to not being able to write, what with me not being able to find my journal and all...

Like with all these other things, sometimes I feel like I forget myself in place of useless, mundane things that do nothing for me. I really want to do more yoga, scrapbook, and play piano more and I hope once I graduate from college in about a year, I will be able to do just that. I know that these things make me happy and being with Christopher has really helped me to realize this and helped me to find it in myself to do the things that I love.

Points of View

     Christopher, my boyfriend, and I were at Wal*Mart to print off pictures for a scrapbook that we will be working on and buying supper for later that night. After finally getting all of our choices and heading to the checkout line, I noticed that there was a guy standing in another line that was holding about a dozen orange and red roses. Upon seeing this I immediately uttered an "aww". I pointed him out to Christopher who immediately said, "That boy musta fucked up!"
      I thought that it was so interesting that I could see the guy's situation as something totally different than Christopher saw it. This guy *must* be doing something sweet: aka going on a date, surprising her, getting her the random "I love you" gift. On the other hand, my guy saw him *must* having done something wrong and taking flowers to his girl so that she would forgive him.
      While I think flowers are cute and a nice way for a guy to show that he likes the girl and possibly say that he is sorry with, he also needs to use words. This is one way that men and women differ.
      I feel so lucky to have a guy that does do his best to learn to do things to please me or change something that I don't like. While he still does some things that are rather strange and annoying at times (spending more "primping" time in the bathroom than I do), we get along rather well. We've been told so many times by others that we compliment each other so well though we are so different.

Sailor of the Sea at Sweet Sixteen?

While browsing around the internet in search of something interesting, anything, to help me procrastinate on reading "The Epic of Gilgamesh",  I found a news story on Abby Sunderland, a 16 year old female that wanted to achieve her 3 year old dream of being the world's youngest solo circumnavigator. However, it seems that there are complications and she is now needing to be rescued.

Abby is not the only one to have this dream. Jessica Watson from Australia had this dream as well and finished it just last month. She started this journey in October of 2009 just before turning 17.
Previous to this, several others have attempted this journey, including her brother who held the title for a short period of time.

You can read more about Abby's trip on her blog, which I find to be much easier to read than on her website.
There are some that criticize Abby for deciding to start her journey when there would be a lot of storms in her path.

We all have dreams. I personally want to acheive my Bachelors in English and then go on to get my Masters in Library Science. I also would like to travel and other such things which are constantly changing, though I have a general idea. Can it really be so wrong for her to achieve this when it is something she has trained and prepared for for a long time?

Abstract on Selfishness

While talking in class about the play "A Streetcar Named Desire", the topic of selfishness came up. You must realize, and may after a while, how very random some of the professors on my campus can be. It isn't too hard to get them to rabbit trail. I decided to jot the thought down. I had immediately thought of an anecdote I had been told in middle school:

     [Abraham] Lincoln, who was one of the most generous and kind-hearted of men, often said that there was no act which was not prompted by some selfish motive. He was riding in a stage from Springfield, Illinois, to a neighboring town and was discussing this philosophy with a fellow-passenger.
     As the stage rumbled past a ditch which was filled with mud and mire the passengers could see a small pig, caught fast in the muck, squealing and struggling to free himself. Many persons in the stage laughed heartily, but Mr. Lincoln, then a lawyer, asked the driver to stop for a few moments.
     Leaping from the stage, he walked to the ditch over his shoetops in mud and picked the little animal up, setting it on the solid road.
     "Now, look here," said the passenger with whom he had been talking, "you cannot say that was a selfish act."
     "Extremely selfish," said Mr. Lincoln. "If I had left that little fellow in there the memory of his squealing would have made me uncomfortable all day. That is why I freed him."        
            -http://www.coachwhipbooks.com/chapters/lincoln-stories/lincoln-lawyer.html

When I think of someone selfish, I think of people that do not think of others, people that are quite possibly also very greedy. For example, Angelica from the Rugrats. Defined, "selfish" means

"The condition or quality of being selfish; selfish disposition or behaviour; regard for one's own interest or happiness to the disregard of the well-being of others." -OED 

 In the beginning of the anecdote, it says that Lincoln was said to never do an act with an ulterior motive. Everything that we do is in some way contributing to your personal happiness. Because of this, I believe that there is a selfish motive behind everything that we do. 

1. We do things because they please us. 
2. We do things to look good in front of other people. 
3. Sometimes, we do this for reciprocity. "You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours."

We all know about doing things for ourselves. Going to a spa, shopping, reading an enjoyable book. But what about when we do something for someone else? Is this selfish. Usually it is either because we like to make others happy which makes us happy or we want to look good to them or possibly some other outsider. This isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Doing things to please us includes doing things that you don't like to do because you know that there will be a reward at some point in time. (Taking out the trash so your woman doesn't grip or so your apartment doesn't smell. Then again, maybe you're just a clean freak!)

even if it is through the idea that you're doing something good for someone else (that too can give you personal satisfaction). 

Yes, actions are selfish, I think. 

What about you?

Introduction

As I go through my classes and while working at the library, I get so many random thoughts. I suppose they aren't too random if they are sparked by something. However, to others outside of my mind they are most likely pretty out there. I used to post blogs much more frequently and rather miss writing about my thoughts. Xanga from the early 2000s and Myspace from the mid-2000s used to provide a place for me to write. However, the fads of today are geared more like Facebook (which I am also on quite a bit) which isn't as... sophisticated as I would like to have it for writing.

I am just your average college student that procrastinates on reading for her classes. I have one boyfriend. Two cats under the names Aurin and Dydimus. Three sisters living halfway across this country. But no close friends. I was a Navy brat and am preacher's daughter. This meant that we moved about a lot when I still lived at home. I was also very shy, which makes it tough to make friends.

I have so many interests: reading, writing, playing piano, photography, scrap booking. Almost anything creative, I like to try my hand at. I love being around people and doing things with them. I will try almost anything once and have an open mind about most things. I will discuss controversy subjects and not push upon the other person. I do expect them to have the same courtesy.

I one day hope to be a librarian with a family and all the pets I want since I was not allowed them previously. I want to live comfortable and never have to go through or have my kids go through what I've gone through. (I guess that sounds kinda bad, I just believe my childhood wasn't much of one.) I never want to be divorced, that's for sure.

Most of my posts will be memories, a thought and expansion of what happened that day or what was discussed in class or with a friend. Possibly even something that I started to research because of something that someone said on Facebook. This post, however, is more of an introductory. I try to be witty, but don't think that it comes across to you as a reader as it does to me as I am writing it.
I chose the word Reverie for my title because it means "a state of dreamy meditation or fanciful musing". Musings had been my first choice. I tend to think outside the box and have an open and positive outlook on most of my thoughts. 
I'm hoping to actually continue to write for quite awhile. It can be stress relieving, allows me to be creative, and gets my thoughts out there.